Are you a Jealous Person?

 

 

 

         You never want to believe that title of “Jealous Person” belongs to you.  A recent conversation with my youngest brother had me taking that inventory on myself.  I never thought that I was the type who would be jealous of anything or anyone.  No one has anything that I want – and isn’t that the root of all jealousy?  Someone wanting something someone else has feeling like they themselves are lacking in that department?  Apparently not so.  

I started to do the Google thing – my main source of information these days.  I found a very interesting post.  It is very possible to have an issue with jealousy not because you feel inadequate, but because being raised in an environment of uncertainty and insecurity of any kind will make you feel off-balance.  If you never get your footing in that area by the time you become an adult – a subtle mistrust of anyone who comes your way begins to ensue and take residence.

I have a clipping from a Dear Abby article my mother gave me when I was 19: I stick by it no matter what:  ”Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers…” very wise words.  But you can’t control human nature from wanting someone to bring you a rose every now and then or at least once.  Another line in the article said “…kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises…” – more words of wisdom I tend to follow.  But again, the mind and the heart never seem to be in concert with one another in matters such as these.  I used to go to a psychologist who asked me to try certain ways of thinking to help me feel comfortable with the thought of trusting someone.  She stopped herself in one session and said “I’m asking you to do something you have never experienced which makes it impossible for you to do…”.  You can’t trust if you don’t know what trust feels like.

So what does this have to do with jealousy you ask?  You can believe all you want that you are not that type of person – but sometimes no matter how hard you try to convince yourself you aren’t – your actions dictate otherwise.  I always just go get whatever I want – dare I say whomever I want as well.  But most times I’m not really looking for anyone anyway – they tend to find me.  Because I feel I am deserving – I expect to be first and foremost in a significant other’s life.  When that doesn’t happen, feelings that I had back when I was a shorty come rushing to the surface.  So you see I’m not jealous because there is another person in the picture, but because I’m not first.  As a kid, I was set to the side for many reasons…many of them extremely justified (I had to wait because my mother had to work overtime, I had to wait because Dad was busy living his life, I was last because someone else needed more than me at the time, and so on) Might seem complicated to some, but it’s rather elementary.  When a person has the carpet snatched from under them too many times once they have become comfortable, they tend to become very territorial of their space and those in it.  So what does one do about that?  Are there sometimes instances where you are just doomed because you are too far in it to change?  My only canvas I have to work with is me.  But my question is are you a jealous person if you just expect to be treated like a queen?  My father – rest his soul – once said in jest that “no man will ever treat you like your daddy does” and I’m seeing he was so right.  I’m finding that now that he is gone – I might be looking for a man to fill his shoes and they are just too big for anyone’s foot to touch the tip of the shoe.  And possibly – anyone coming near my “territory” has me on lock and load.

All this to say jealousy has many different roots and no one should just assume that it stems from only the presence of the opposite sex.  The bud of the flower of jealousy might also have deep roots in a bed of reason no one can begin to understand.  A significant other has to be willing to continue to water those roots until they become strong and intwined in the earth they seek to call home.

 

(information for this post was found at  http://www.2knowmyself.com/insecurity/feeling_insecure )

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